February 4, 2019
I’ve been with my husband for close to FOURTEEN years. We have experienced so much of our lives together. I met him at 17 and started dating him at 18. We have encountered ups and downs but we have most importantly grown together over the years. We have become better people. We are independent in our careers and aspirations but we guide each other along the way. We are a team as we do life together and take on what life throws at us. Since I was so young when we started dating him, I have grown up with him. He has taught me so much about the zest for life. How to be a good human and how to not take myself too seriously. I am always a work in progress as we all should be. Our marriages should be as well. Constant work, care and attention. The moment we put it on the back burner, the waters can get rough.
I am sharing 5 things I have learned about being married since this past fall, we celebrated FIVE years married. Leave me a comment if these resonated with you! I’d love to hear your thoughts.
If there is one thing that helps our relationship, it would be space. My husband works weird hours and is gone often but not for long periods of time. We have time a part to give space and for us to be ourselves in our own time. Time to be individuals, time to be alone, time to leave the cups by the bed and laundry in the dryer. Or time to get all the chores done. Time to spend with family and friends, girls trips, guys trips. Either way you look at it, time allows you space to enhance your relationship. At least it works for us.
Over time, life sets in. Things can become mundane and routine. But as time goes on, you grow into each other. In my experience in the seasons that are hard, it still gets better because we learn to grow, evolve, and change together. Marriage isn’t meant to be happily ever after because life isn’t always how you pictured it. It isn’t always happy. You hit different seasons in marriage/relationships but it is always in how you take those seasons and evolve from them.
So much of life can seem mundane. House chores especially. From keeping a household a float, balancing two different personalities, balancing busy schedules, and just doing life together can get chaotic. If you let the small stuff wear you down, things get messy. Take it from me, we have our ups and downs with little stuff but they usually stem from something bigger. Get to the root of things so the small stuff isn’t as big of a deal.
I have learned that when we get in a rut or things seem to just be on repeat, it is time to shake it up. Take a trip. Go out on a date. Plan something together. Plan something for one another. Surprise one another. Break from the day to day and escape (even if it is just for a night). We cherish our date nights out. They aren’t elaborate… often we go to our favorite restaurants, sit at the bar and eat yummy foods have a few beverages and talk for hours. There is something to be said about getting out of the house and connecting. When we are home, we connect too but we could be watching a movie and less connecting happens. So when we shake up that routine up, we get closer.
This January, we have been really focused on our health and eating better. So we are going to the grocery store together more. Cooking together. Eating at the table and putting our phones away. We are talking over a meal. And eating good food rather than calling up Grub Hub/Ordered Up like we did most of the fall.
I am the worlds worst communicator. I have good intentions but sometimes what is on my heart, I have a hard time expressing. I am afraid of confrontation and avoid it like the plague. But I have learned that I can’t always live that way. It is not healthy. Talk it out, give space when needed and try your best to be on the same page.
All in all, marriage is hard but when you continue to evolve together, something beautiful happens. You aren’t just married but you become a team. A team that desires that same things and chase after your dreams together. After all, you are in this life together so working on your marriage should always be a priority.